Off the Deep End

Do you ever have a time when you just lose it?   That was me Wednesday night.   I had a kinda bad day .. and then came the night.

On top of the usual work/life stresses, my youngest daughter, who is pregnant, was just so sick with the crud.  Poor thing was just miserable.   I wanted to help.  I wanted to be the mommy.   I started thinking that she should come "home" and let me take care of her and thinking that she shouldn't be married, she should be my little girl, so I could make her feel better.   I felt helpless and worried.   She ended up at the ER for a few hours, but not much they could do for her.  And this stuff going around is just miserable, let alone if you are pregnant as well.

I was concerned about my daughter who is struggling with wedding plans and feeling overwhelmed deciding things trying to please people.  I just want her to have a perfect day, one that SHE wants.

I am concerned about my other daughter who is also planning a wedding, wondering what she has in mind, and hoping she knows how much I love her as well and want her day to also be just what she wants.

I worry about my son.  Always. 

I had a friend tell me that she was very sad and upset but she couldn't share why, so then I added that to my plate, feeling helpless and wondering what, why, where, who...imagining all kinds of things but never really knowing where her pain was coming from.

I had another friend who was stressed out, and that I tried to reach and didn't respond, so I built that into something in my mind over the hours into something stupid as well.

By the time I went to bed, even though my daughter was resting and back from the ER, and knowing I could do nothing about anything else, nor could I save the world, I went to bed, where my night was laden with crazy thoughts and dreams, and no sleep.

Then, Thursday morning, I had to drive an hour to a workshop.  On the way, hot tears rolled down my cheeks.  I don't know why.   I was being crazy, I thought.  I said outloud in the car...to myself...GET A GRIP!!   By the time I got close to the end of the drive, I was over it and the workshop went well and even though it was a lot to learn, it was good.   My drive home was fine, and by evening, I felt like myself again, although very tired.

What the heck was that all about?  :-)

PS  Thanks for listening....sometimes blogging is therapy...